You’ll thank me for this. A great-tasting meal of meat that’s non-fattening and Atkin’s Diet friendly!

One of the guiding principles in my culinary experiementation is recipe self-tailoring. I modify and tweak dishes to better suit my superior tastes and preferences. I try to minimize the things that I’m not particularly fond of while maximizing the elements that I prefer. This is the principle which culminated in today’s culinary masterpiece.

Ground beef is a central pillar supporting America’s menu. Without it, our country’s food infrastructure would crumble and collapse. As a loyal American citizen, I love a good hamburger. But how could I make it even better?

Minimize the bad, maximize the good! Follow along with me in your kitchen.

Here’s what you need:

At least 1 lb. of ground beef (or equivalent), 1 onion, 1 tomato, cheese, mayo, condiments, salt, pepper, cayenne pepper, 1 egg, and iced tea. I actually used buffalo burger on this occasion. It is expensive but tastes fantastic! It’s a rare luxury, I don’t normally have it. Notice the tomato slicer my Mom gave me! I couldn’t find one anywhere so she gave me hers.

Notice what we’re missing? The bun! Yes, let’s eliminate that carb-filled fattening meat-diluter and keep our burger tasty and healthy!

First of all, let’s get that burger frying.

Make sure you shake on plenty of salt and pepper, and if you care to dash on some cayenne pepper. While it’s frying, slice the onion and tomato. Drink plenty of iced tea throughout this procedure.

When the burger is nearly done frying, top with grated cheese. Remove when cooked to desired degree. Then throw some butter into the frying pan, followed by the sliced onions.

Fry the onions hard, then dump them all on the burger.

We need lots of mayo.

Add other condiments at this time. I might have put the mayo and condi’s on before the onion, but I forgot.

Another thing I forgot was the egg! But fortunately for you, I remember now. Fry one egg, and throw it on top at this time.

Crown this sterling achievement with a bunch of tomato slices. Eat the leftover slices plain.

Immediately consume with plenty of iced tea!

Feeds one person.