Jewel took a night shift a couple of days ago, and when she came home the next morning she asked me, “Who were your visitors last night?”

I had no idea what she was talking about until I took a look out the window and saw this unspeakably hideous monstrosity in the front flowerbed.

Evidently he thought he’d use the faux “facilities” and his friends abandoned him there.

As you recall, a few years ago we came home from vacation to find the front flowerbed “remodeled” with some plumbing fixtures. I guess the vandals thought after all this time it needed a little update.


I discovered when I moved out here to Hoosierville that vandalism is very widespread. It’s common to drive down the road and see a house or two festooned with bathroom tissue, and I have had my personal car desecrated with bar soap. This kind of stuff is commonplace out here, and we’re victims yet again.

A day or two after the Grotesque Blue Christmas Monkey showed up, the girls were playing in the backyard. Jewel looked out the window to check on them, and they were gone. She quickly went looking, and found them holding hands with this hideous thing!