Remember the Finger Thing? This is kinda like that, except this time I show even more astounding mental power.
I was up in the hospital again last night visiting my wife, and she took my blood pressure. It was a terrible reading, which alarmed me quite a bit. Because I’ve never taken a bad blood pressure reading in my life, not even when I was so sick I was knocking on death’s door!
It was 142 over high eighties or something with a pulse rate of 88.
I was distraught.
A few minutes later I remembered that the human mind has tremendous control over the body. I told my wife, “Take it again, I’ll lower it with mental control.”
She initially dismissed me, but finally acquiesced to my request. I willed my physicality to bend to my demands and manifest itself a lower blood pressure reading.
Sure enough! The results showed a dramatic improvement! She printed out a receipt for me (how neat! I didn’t know they could do that), which I have posted for your convenience:
You’ll see that the systolic reading is a full 8 points lower! The diabolic score is a handful of points lower, and my pulse rate was a full 3 points lower. This is nothing short of an astronomical improvement.
I wonder how much the medical field knows about this phenomenon. Maybe I should launch a campaign aimed at educating victims of high blood pressure of this amazing technique I have perfected.
7 Responses
June 19th, 2006 at 8:11 pm
Snort.
‘Tis a mind over matter deal, eh?
June 19th, 2006 at 9:31 pm
In medical terms it is called biofeedback. Miss
June 20th, 2006 at 1:23 am
Diabolic score, eh?
What was your angelic score, Tom?
June 20th, 2006 at 11:01 am
Start a program where people will come to you to learn the art of “mind over matter.” You could make millions.
June 20th, 2006 at 5:18 pm
Funny! You really need to write a book or something!
June 25th, 2006 at 9:55 pm
Tom, Tom, Tom….
Anxiety, dear uncle. I have a feeling that had your Mrs. walked into the room holding a large needle aimed at you, no mind control in the world would have kept your pulse or any other vital sign within normal limits. :) Try checking it in the dentists chair.
June 26th, 2006 at 7:54 pm
Now that would be an excellent experiment, trying it in the dentist’s chair.
With or without halcion and valium?!
Seriously though, I wasn’t worked up or stressed at all before the first blood pressure taking. I was after though, upset that it was so high.
Mark, my angelic score was off the charts! Just ask my wife.