November 2005

Medical09 Nov 2005 09:16 pm
WARNING: Graphic photos.

As I was forcibly immersed in the Den of Iniquity for over 12 hours today, it could go without saying that I am a slightly disgruntled employee. And I only was able to leave then after I bartered away my soul to the management, finally persuading them to relinquish me from their clutches. Good night. It is beyond asinine in there. And I’m disgruntled for many more reasons than today, so don’t go getting all self-righteous and preachy on me about how much longer farmers work or something equally ridiculous. I’ve been around the block. I know what the score is. I’ve worked much longer days than today. Bottom line is that you don’t know this situation and I do so just leave it at that!

Wow. After that little rant I feel refreshed! I was going to chronicle my recent victorious battle so that I would feel better about today’s experience in the Den, but I don’t have to anymore! For your benefit and enlightenment, however, I will anyway.

I’m becoming increasingly bitter and cynical about my absurdly inept valium and halcion. Each use renders it less and less effective. This time I took 2 valiums and 1 halcion and they must have just canceled each other out. Very disappointing. I walked in to the dentists office cheerful, bright, alert, witty, and charming. In an ideal world I shouldn’t even remember arriving.

Anyway, here’s the outcome:

Victor on the left, Vanquished on the right!

Though the victor does appear a bit shaken by the ordeal.

Here’s the position the vanquished formerly held, roughly.

Here’s a nice close-up. Man, those roots are big. Left a big ol’ gap in the gumline, let me tell you. Be thankful I’m not posting a pic of THAT!

Not hard to see why I was ready to repeal this thing’s right to residency in my oral cavity.

I was forced to resort to uncharacteristically devious means in order to procure my violently-removed fang. I asked the nurse if I could have it and she said yes. “It is your tooth,” she remarked.

But she came back a little later singing a different tune. Some stupid regulation undoubtedly dreamed up by a democrat forbid them of handing out leftover molars. “Do you really need it?” she asked. I said yes I did. I didn’t tell her, but I wanted it to show all the loyal ITF constituents.

She had it in a cup, so I longing looked at it for a minute or two while she patiently waited on me. Then she got the hint I think and kindly turned her back. I quickly slipped the appendage in my pocket, set the cup down on the counter, and briskly walked out of the room.

Normally I don’t do things like that, but I thought it was pretty important.

Medical07 Nov 2005 08:50 pm

It don’t take no dental doctorate to detect there is something very wrong with this picture.

Ow. Tomorrow afternoon, three o’clock, me and the doc and much valium and halcion will take this little beast on and battle to the death.

Remember me.

If this is the last post I ever make, please recall with fondness how much all the ITF constituents mean to me. You’ve been shining beacons in stormy nights, cool breezes on scorching days, tall glasses of peach iced tea in barren deserts, reaffirming friends in troubling moments, burden-sharers in times of affliction, and co-rejoicers in periods of victory.

My triumphant return in this new skirmish will stand as a testament to the support I feel from all of you!

The Den of Iniquity03 Nov 2005 07:40 pm

Since my life has lately been completely and totally usurped and controlled by the Den of Iniquity (note my wife’s recent post about this extremely upsetting development), what would be more fitting than a few anecdotes from out of the Den?!

Lately I’ve been yelling a lot. It’s fun and relieves stress. “LINE ROLL!!!!” “Need a FLOOR!!!” “OVER!!!” And so on. It’s most fun though when me and my buddy Mark yell at each other. I’ll scream “WATER PUMP!!!!” And he’ll holler back “IT’S RIGHT HERE TOM!!!!!!” Yesterday we were yelling at each other and suddenly he laughed and said, you should have seen Beth’s face! She thought we were really mad at each other!

But today was John Denver Day for me and Mark. We sang “Leaving on a Jet Plane” (or two lines from it) over and over and over. Bill was almost beside himself.

And we did it in several parts, like they did in the movie “Armageddon.” I’d sing the melody and Mark would float the high descant, “Ah ah AH ah ah ah!” It was really something. You should’ve been there.

At breaktime I was kidding my buddy Juan about eating all his lunch so early in the day. Then he mentioned that he wanted to gain weight.

“Oh,” I said patting my substantial midsection, “like me?”

“No,” he replied without even thinking, “I mean in a good way!”

A few days ago Juan was working near me again. We were combining efforts on something and he mentioned a spacer he had cut for a particular task.

“Smart man,” I said.

“I may speak with an accent,” he replied, “but I don’t think with one!”

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